Save me!

Construction zone
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Construction zone“Hello? Is this the Child Protection Services?”

I’d like to report a goofy father who drags a helpless child into a construction zone? What? Danger? Yes… there must be! There were wires, unfinished walls, insulation and stuff…spooky enough to make my hair stand on end…

Didn’t they have enough time to finish this place before I was born? And what the heck are they doing while I’m sleeping anyways?

All natural

Wearing a hat...
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Wearing a hat...OK… so I’m a bit embarassed, I think.  Suddenly my mom thinks I need some nekkid time to commune with nature and I find myself, sans nappie or much else, out in public view. I must admit that the breeze is somewhat refreshing – but I do feel a bit vulnerable. Crawling is easier… but, between you and me, I’m a tad self-conscious as I meander across the front lawn wearing nothing more than a hat and a bit of drool.

Oh great…go ahead. Snap a picture of me while I’m chasing an ant up my nose. Thanks! I’ll leave you a surprise on the blankie…

New discovery!

mado standing
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I think I’ve stumbled onto something here.  If I push up on my lower extremities while pulling on the upper ones, I can achieve a vertical advantage. The view from this position is amazing! I can see all around me — things that were previously hidden suddenly come into view!!It’s a bit dizzying though — I can’t support this position for long because my legs aren’t strong enough to support my head for any significant length of time — but I suspect that if I keep doing this “pull up” routine I’ve just developed, I’ll have enough lower-body strength to maintain this position for whole minutes at a time. I’m not sure, but I think that this “standing up” technology is key to the whole ambulatory thing. Stay tuned…

Gag me with a baby spoon….

twins1
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You know, I like to follow fashion trends just like the other gals, but tell me, in which sister-sister manual does it say that a gal’s gotta match her threads to her mamma’s? I hafta say, once and for all, that it just creeps me out when I look in the mirror and my momma and I are wearing the same freekin’ outfit.

I must admit though… I think red is my colour. Dunno about my Martha-Stewart-wannabe-mom… maybe she should stick to earth tones.

Keeping Joe company

joe
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So here’s Grand-papa Joe visiting from Toronto and, as far as I can tell, he’s bored with the adult company. So I read him a story… what else could I do to entertain him?

Mom and dad are busy doing whatever they do and here’s poor GPP Joe trying to occupy his time. Fortunately I was chillin’ on his lap, so I read him that story about that poor Hippo trying to get his dad’s attention but his dad is too busy to play.  I think he liked it…

Invasion of the big green thingie!

Big green thingie
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Big green thingieHoly Jeepers! Look at the size of this lime-green furry creature! They just plopped the thing right beside me — almost scared the poop out of me.  Oh… waitaminute. It did scare the poop out of me. Oh… sorry buddy.

Hey you! You, with the camera! Can I get a dry nappie here!

Magic box

hotel
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Relaxing in my hotel room after spending the day visiting my legion fans here in Toronto, I’m a bit impressed by the facilities.  Look at the size of this bed! It’s as big as my room back home! And the best part is that, to get to our room, we have to step into this little magic cube with sliding doors that makes my tummy tingle while, get this, it totally transforms the lobby into the hallway to  my room… it’s amazing! I don’t know how they do but it works every time! 

And in reverse too: walk down the hall from my room, press a button to make the doors open, walk inside and seconds later the doors open and voilà!!! The hallway is gone and there’s the lobby. Makes me wonder though…if they can transform a lobby into a hotel room hallway in the blink of an eye, why does it take so long for my parental unit to transform that construction zone into something usable. I’m thinking I didn’t get the sharpest crayons in the box….

What the heck is this?

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I am soooo freaked out! I knew about the holes in my head… as far as I can tell I have one for each finger (on one hand…) and, I’m proud to say, I can point to them all when my handlers mention their names: “ears”, “nose” and, the big one, mouth. And I figured out their purposes too (duhhh…. doesn’t take a two-year-old to figure those out).

And I kinda suspected that I have a couple of holes in the diaper zone but I’d rather not muck around down there, if you know what I mean.  What freaked me out is, like, the other day I’m getting some big time attention because I figured out where my belly was, then today… Papa sticks his finger INSIDE my belly and says, with an evil smile, “belly button”!  My jaw must have dropped when my fingers slid down to his and, I’m not kidding, right in the middle of my belly, I could feel another hole!!!

Yuck! I’m really worried now… what if my arms get longer and I discover a whole network of holes? And what possible purpose could a hole in your belly serve? Drainage? Feeding? Accessories? I shudder to think of the possibilities…

Major setback today

swing
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Despite my best effort to stay awake, the parental units have found a way to defeat my anti-sleep defensive mechanisms… some dastardly device called “The Swing” plays some cheesy sleepy-time tune whilst the nefarious motorized contraption rocks me to and fro’.  As much as I try to resist, I inevitably end up being knocked unconscious by the motion of this incredibly predictable device.  I must learn ways to resist….must stay awake…must…hmmmmmm…

Gross!

yuck
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They gave me this round semi rigid thing without a single word of warning and, just as I put it into my mouth (like I always do with new stuff) it starts to dissolve and, I swear, crumble into little bits of sand-flavoured crap! I don’t know what they were thinking…they know I put everything in my mouth — what’s with the sand-bar?

I gagged, naturally, and spat it out yet, for some unfathomable reason, I felt compelled to put the evil thing back into my mouth. It was like my mouth needed a second opinion. Soon I was left with a soggy mess, a sorely-tested gag reflex, bits junk in my hair and nose, and, shortly thereafter, some nasty structural changes in my nappy.

I certainly hope this is the last time they try to foist that kind of junk into me…